Deep Breath!

Today I realized that I am 30 days away from moving to Maine for 2 months.

I am moving out of my comfort zone....out of my hometown....away from everyone I know....all by myself.

This will be my first time totally and completely away from home and away from all I have ever known. Granted, it is only for 2 months, but either way it makes me a little anxious.....

Professor Smartass

Earlier this week I had to do a project for my photography class. The assignment was "photo as document". Basically, I had to do a documentary through photos, but I was allowed to use video or audio. Most people in the class were talking about following around one of their parents...some even paid bums to let them follow them throughout their day. When the project was presented to us I instantly thought about some youtube videos I had watched about military men and women attempting to transition into "normal" life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_nUY9Dsc5k, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLUg-B0nPzI&feature=related

Some of the statements these guys made were so powerful...and I decided I was going to try to do my own version of these videos.

I decided my ex would be a good "subject" to use in my documentary and he was more than willing to help me with my project. I showed him the videos I was trying to emulate and he told me that he could totally relate to these men. (I can say that the dimise of our relationship did make more sense after he made this comment) I could not figure out what to photograph to get my point across, but I thought of a few things along with audio. Now, let me explain something....the ex is not a talkative person AT ALL...but as soon as I sat down with a recorder and began asking him questions....this guy was going on and on! He opened up about all kinds of things. I remember one comment he made that is stuck with me..."I would rather know that there is a good chance I won't see next week than know what i'm going to be doing for the next 20, 30 years of my life."

Anyways, I took the pics....we hung out for a bit, and I made my way home. The next day I edited my photos and Tuesday I printed them out, got my audio ready, and presented to the class for critique.

My professor is probably in his early 30's and is the coolest guy ever. Before I even started my presentation he asked who it was...."uh.....it's my ex".....prof: "hahaha, this should be interesting, go on".....

So I explain that this guy in the photos had been on 2 tours to Iraq and just recently started "real life" here at Ohio State....he does suffer from PTSD....he is thinking about rejoining the military because he is having such a hard time adjusting...yada yada yada.....

After that, I play the very touching audio.

Now, the critique begins. "The composition isn't bad in the photos", "The audio is really touching and the photos fit really well with what he was talking about", "The presentation as a whole was very moving".....then comes the smart ass comments from the professor.

(here are a 3 of the 8 photos used...these were all black and white for the presentation...notice the injury on his forehead from rugby)

"I love the intimacy of these photos"....yeah, my professor really just said that about these photos....I am assuming he was refering to the photo of him looking at the camera...which he happened to be bitching at me in....haha...it hits me....the intimacy between my ex and I....caught in a photograph???

Next comment from professor smartass.

"That scab on his head....is that from a domestic dispute?"....ha....ha...ohhhh lord.

The final comment from professor smartass, "Hmm, Semper Fidelis....doesn't that mean 'always faithful'?......Kind of ironic, huh?.....he IS your ex, right? Anything to do with why you guys broke up?"

Last time I checked this was photography class NOT psych! Good thing I like this professor...haha...I wasn't really wanting to discuss my failed relationship with 30 random people in my class.

I did end up getting a lot of compliments from classmates about the use of audio with this project and a lot of compliments on the actual photos. The professor, however, was more interested on the joke of the situation.

I'm feeling like i'm fallin' away...

So my sister has been blogging and has told me to blog over and over again......so, here it is.

Now, what do I write about? I don't have exciting things going on in my life....I havn't survived through horrible events in my life...I don't have children....I am just a normal 21 year old girl.

I am challenging myself to look for the interesting aspects of my life throughout the day to day trials and tribulations. I guess because it is a blog it doesn't matter if it entertains anyone, but I feel the need to be entertaining.

::WARNING::
The things written in this blog may be extreamly dull.
These are the daily trials and tribulations of a "normal" girl.
I will be very open about my life and what I do.

...you can't complain, you have been warned.

A little about me...well, I am a student at The Ohio State University and I am set to graduate in December 2009 with a BA in Public Affairs Journalism. I would say my life is pretty normal, but what is normal to me may be very different from what others find normal. I have gone through heartbreak which seems to be the only huge hurdle I have had to go through. (wow, I really do sound boring, huh?) That relationship was a military relationship and I learned a lot about myself, relationships, and (inevitably) the military throughout our rise and fall. I plan to make this blog very personal and because of that I do not plan on forwarding the link to any friends/relatives in fear of getting lectured about my continuous "screw-ups"....which I like to call "learning experiences".
I often wonder what this "free-time" is that so many people speak of. The past few years have been very busy with school, work, and internship's consuming all of my time. I feel like i missed out a little on "college life" because I have tried so hard to be responsible and do right by my parents. I rarely drink or go out, mainly because after having work/class all day I don't feel up to it. I don't drink beer, I drink the "foo foo girly drinks" that cause hangovers from hell which also causes me to make drinking a rare occurrence. I wonder how I will feel about not taking advantage of college life ten years from now....
I will often refer to quotes or lyrics. I feel like other people can explain how I feel better than I can. I think today's song is going to be "Falling Away" by Jupiter Rising

Cant you see that its more than a picture
More life than the oldest scripture
Man I tell you this life may miss ya
Play a role and it still may diss ya
For the obvious never felt closer
Till the day that you said its ova
My exposure became your closure
Woke you up like a fresh cup of Folgers

I like it any way (anyway) I do it anyway
There’s really nothing that I really can say, yeah
I’m always on the line I’m always on the grind
I’m always drifting away yeaah

I’m feeling like I’m falling away (yeah)
I’m feeling like I’m falling away
People stop and stare but I don’t really care
Cuz I’m not really here and you’re not really there, there
(REPEAT)

I might seem to flicker like a fire light unexpected
Rescue mission from my dark side
Sense swelling up inside realize my open eyes
Higher and higher I am the elevator girl

On the up and up and the way I go
Bringing the deposit won’t stop no more
Never afraid to fully play the game
And I’m bringing down the house and I’m collecting
Greener grass on the other side cutting in pressure can’t break my stride
This life is everything this is my anthem


When I close my eyes it still looks the same to me
Shooting high in the sky catching the twilight burning to my memory
I don’t care I don’t mind
But its okay and its alright
I don’t care, I don’t lie and it’s okay no0o
I don’t care I don’t mind
But its ok and its alright
I don’t care and I don’t lie
O0o